TiVo Alert - Tom Shales reviews both The Reagans and Angels in America. I don't have Showtime and am not really interested in the now-bowdlerized biopic anyway. I am, however, caught up in the excitement over the mega-star-studded television version of the Kushner play, though I'm skeptical it can live up to the hype.

(Testifying in favor of) smoking is hazardous to your health - Jamie clued me in on this article from frozen Alaska about a 70-year-old man who collapsed from a heart attack only moments after testifying against a local smoking ban. Let this be a lesson to all of you out there who dare resist the inevitable, for we shall bury you.

Amendment Update - On Friday, the WaPo had a good summary of where the movement for the FMA stands right now -- capping a week when the amendment was first introduced in the Senate. The good news: the proponents are divided, and it all comes down to this troubling question of whether the amendment should abolish legislatively enacted civil unions. The hard-core anti-gay bigots (ironically nicknamed the "Arlington Group") want to go all the way, but their more practical allies think that would be politically infeasible. I hope that's true, but obviously any dissension in their ranks is a good thing. The fact that people can't even agree on which approach the current text embraces is also heartening, for their confusion is our strength.

In related news, I was absolutely astonished to read that a Virginia delegate thinks he can make it a crime for his state's gay residents to get married in another state. WTF? I can only assume this patently unconstitutional proposal is just a ploy to rake in donations from the bigot brigade. Let's hope it has no more chance of passing than Barney Frank's new bill to abolish Bill Clinton's Defense of Marriage Act.

Extra: For what it's worth, my buddy Princeton Prof. (and noted theocon) Robert George authored a column in Friday's WSJ supporting the Arlington Group's approach. Quelle surprise. Drew takes him apart.

No Cause to Celebrate - "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is ten years old. Let's hope it has far less than another 10 in it.

Another gay football player tells his story - Years past retirement, Roy Simmons has finally talked to the NYTimes about his life as a gay pro. (Why is this article in the "Fashion & Style" section online?) We already knew of Simmons as a gay former NFL'er, after coming out on the Donahue show in 1992. He's the 1980's counterpart to B-haus perennial Esera Tuaolo, who played in the 90's, and 70's football star David Kopay. As he recounts it, Simmons -- the only one of the three who is black -- was an exemplar of the troubled DL lifestyle, and he became a drug addict and HIV positive as a result. Simmons talked to the Times as part of a round of press appearances connected with World AIDS Day.

Unlicensed Domestic Trapping - File this under "only in California": According to official interpretations, house mice fall under recently passed SB 1645, a state law requiring "anybody taking furbearing mammals or non-game animals to purchase a trapping license, available only by paying a fee ($78.50) and passing a fairly complex test." See the article in the SFChron (second item). The new requirement to get licensed before you use a mousetrap was pushed by the Sacramento-based Animal Protection Institute. The Dept. of Fish and Game, though originally opposed, has your license application ready, Ben.

Mrs. Claus in Drag? - When did Harvey Fierstein become a political commentator? Pundits from Broadway are about as bad as those from Hollywood.

Update: Make that "Edna Turnblad's interpretation of Mrs. Claus." The NYTimes covers the brouhaha over the politicization of Santa's "wife" and a Thanksgiving tradition.

Jackson Surrenders to Face Abuse Charges - Get it? Heh. The NYTimes takes a look at Jacko's money woes. Well, he won't be the first big spending Hollywood star to end up reduced to commoner status when the money's all gone.

Fence Sitting - Ben, should we put up glamor shots in place of Anastasia, like newest conservative gay blogger, Jamie Kirchick? Hehe, I'm just kidding wid ya, J -- you're cute. ;-) Welcome to the 'Sphere.

Real Crime Scene - Maybe Real World should consider a merger with CSI.

This Can't Be Good - One visit to the U Street Results could make many a gay man adopt anorexia as his new alternative lifestyle. When even the fifty-year-olds have less than 2% body fat, it's damn intimidating. Being shockingly lazy for someone with such prodigious blog writings, I am simply not that motivated to kill myself at the gym, and I believe food should be a pleasure, so boiled chicken surprise is off the menu.

However, I can do without the extra temptation of D.C.'s first Krispy Kreme donut shop moving to Dupont Circle. And as for all those fast-food joints coming out with supposedly healthful foods, the Slate report is out, and we learn that they taste bad and aren't so good for you either. [Sigh.] I'm just gonna have to stick to the Capitol Hill Results from here on out.

The Other Ben - (That would be Benjamin McKenzie née B. M. Schenkkan, current "it" teen heartthrob and star of The O.C) I had no idea he was a U.Va. graduate -- Class of 2001 dean's list / Phi Beta Kappa in Foreign Affairs and Economics no less -- but there was his smiling mug on page 13 of this month's Alumni News. Heh -- his hotmail address is even in the alumni directory! No doubt that's his younger brother, dad, and granddad listed in there too. Internet stalking can be such fun, right Schroeder?

Today's Queer TV Update - Two items worth mentioning in the world of gay television. First up, Kirstie Alley's ass may be out of a job! Signs are pointing to Thom Fillicia as the new Pier 1 pseudo-celebrity shill. And secondly, our friends from Boy Meets Boy are capping off their 15 minutes of fame by bringing their new boyfriends to the Out 100 party.

Queer Eye for the Sports Columnist? - Gregg Easterbrook, a refugee from ESPN.com, has landed writing a column for NFL.com which he plans to approach in the usual quirky style: "They told me to keep it the way it is, so the pictures of cheerleaders - and also some beefcake, pictures of shirtless football players - will continue, along with asides about physics, politics and all the zany stuff that's part of TMQ." Our influence is now everywhere.

Concept Four - Abercrombie's planning to go head to head with The Banana and J. Crew under the guise of Concept Four, a new entry into the aspirational luxury category of clothing.

P.S. See the Salon article that reminds us that when it comes to A&F, "nothing says 'Christmas' like a good old-fashioned circle jerk by the fire."

Sins of Admission - There's been some hubbub about what students are qualified to get in at Cal?: One student "who cared for her little brother most nights while her parents worked, wonders why high-scoring students with other options feel cheated if Berkeley rejects them." The assumption is that "they can still get into any Ivy League school" while Berkeley is her "one shot." How big of a factor should this be in the admissions consideration? High-scoring students from well-off schools are being rejected which has caused the University of California Regents to rip the report on Berkeley admissions. The question is whether admissions departments should be striving for a class with interesting experiences and different world views or whether its a laudable goal to have a freshman class of 4.0/1600 clones.

Date with Destiny - The NYT Magazine delves into the world of online dating. Now, we all know that online "dating" isn't the most apt term for going to cruisingforsex.com. Strange that the only mention this article makes of the gay angle is to say that "sites like m4m4sex.com and adultfriendfinder.com or the 'Casual Encounters' area of Craig's List exist purely to coordinate sex dates among interested parties with complimentary tastes, often on very short notice." But clearly, even the lovelorn heteros need a quickie sometime!

AC/DC Southern-Style - The Advocate recently carried this report about the importance of bisexual sexual behavior in contributing to the spread of HIV among blacks in the American South. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that bisexuality is not in fact rampant in the South, just that your typical conservative Southern MSM -- of any race -- simply can't self-identify as gay.

Which brings me to The Delta, a Sundance festival veteran and Top 10 Gay Film of 1997, which I finally watched after it sat on my TiVo for five months. It's the story of a Memphis teen (Shayne Gray, woof!) grappling with his sexuality by cheating on his high school girlfriend with men, whom he'd meet either at a cruising lane or the local porn arcade. (Obviously, this was pre-Gay.com.) A chance encounter with a mixed-race guy from the wrong side of the tracks develops into something more, with unpredictable effects on both their lives. With budget production values, raw cinematic technique, and a focus on teenage sexuality, the movie reminds me a lot of my old buddy Larry Clark (Kids, Bully), with a bit of Huck Finn's Mississippi River thrown in. Many reviewers found The Delta intriguing but docked it for leaving all the issues it dredges up unresolved. True enough -- but resolution can be overrated if a movie still has you thinking days later. I'd give it a B.

Soft Cell - I've been reading conflicting reports this morning about Day One of cell phone number portability. The SF Chron reports that the rush never showed and that the shopping traffic was mute in San Francisco. Same stories out of Seattle and Detroit, there was no stampede for new phones. However, the AP version of the story paints it a different way, saying that switching users were driving "brisk business" to cellular retailers. I'm inclined to think that most people are distracted with holiday travel to be worried about changing their number on the very first day the options becomes available.

Bizarro-Dawson's Creek - I've finally seen Rules of Attraction, which Ben reviewed last October. The plot was far from uplifting, but I find that I simply can't be depressed by Brett Easton Ellis's stories -- they're so unrealistic that my reaction is often laughter not sadness. His characters are like the evil twins of the Creek's brainy, angst-ridden but ultimately hopeful teens. ROA's kids lead meaningless lives of desperation, choked with alcohol, drugs, crime and suicide. (And let's not forget the utter meaningless of love.) Scanning through the movie with TiVo, the widely-billed sex scene between JvdB and Ian Somerhalder completely failed to impress. However, Victor (Yale graduate and former A&F model Kip Pardue), whose fast-forwarded European semester was a highlight for Ben, was pretty darn woofy in backpacker-scruff mode -- with an honorable mention to NYU Film Guy (Eric Szmanda). My review - same as Ben's: C+.

What Backlash? - The body politic in Massachusetts fails to be roiled by gay marriage, according to two post-Goodridge polls. (See Herald; Globe.) Another example of the right-wingers generating more smoke than heat?

Also, here are a couple of items which foreshadowed the SJC decision in the weeks before it was released. First, ABC's unfunny sitcom It's All Relative, which has not been benched only because the struggling network hasn't got any backup, covered the zany antics of a pro-gay marriage local candidate in the episode that aired November 12th. And New York Magazine put married-with-children gays on its November 3rd front cover, which led to a slew of cranky letters decrying the affluent good life depicted in the original article:

As Michelangelo Signorile correctly points out, having kids is often a "luxury, not a mandate" for many gays and lesbians. David Usborne’s story would have benefited from some economic diversity, perhaps by profiling a gay dad who has to work two jobs to support his child, or a lesbian mom who manages to care for her baby without the help of a nanny or au pair. The only thing that "Gay With Children" illustrates is that rich gays and lesbians now feel comfortable enough to be every bit as obnoxious and self-involved as the straight couples who shuttle their kids from private Manhattan schools to their Hamptons beach houses. This is progress?

Snipe, snipe, snipe.

Direct From the Charm City - After a recent night on the town in Bawlmore, hon, Brian reported in with our new favorite martini: the Hpnotiq cosmopolitan. The grapefruity, azure blue cordial retains its color when you use white cranberry juice as a mixer, making swedish fish the perfect garnish for a fun "aquarium" drink. Get hip now; your five minutes is ticking.

Sucks to be Me - Or not, when you're the retiring restaurant critic at the NYTimes: "It’s like Groundhog Day," says Bill Grimes. "You wake up the next day having eaten a four-star meal, you must go out and eat another four-star meal. And you get up the next day and you have to go out and eat another four-star meal." What hell.

The Week That Was - The Sunday WaPo has a nice, easy-to-follow retrospective and explainer on gay marriage that is worth sharing with your straight friends and loved ones who just want to know what the hubbub is about. If any of those friends and family happen to be opposed to gay marriage, then have them take a look at this David Brooks column (quick, before NYT access is no longer free). I knew I liked that guy for some reason.

The Post's Outlook section also delves into the flip-flop most conservatives have just done on the "states rights" issue because of the Massachusetts ruling in Goodridge. Right-wing partisans usually decry the imposition of national standards on unwilling states, but then what else is the FMA? Liberal commentators have long held that the so-called Federalist position was just a philosophical figleaf to defend anti-abortion laws or other policies which conservatives preferred and which tend to be enacted at the state level. "I told you so" is their response to the former states-righters who are now all for the constitutional amendment.

Also -- here's a link to the Washington Blade's wall-to-wall team coverage on the Massachusetts' decision.

The New Change Ministry - We homos apparently don't have a monopoly on good taste and suave execution of style. Check out this website -- part of a campaign promoting reparative therapy to make us straight. Bearing the catchy name findout.org, the slick, simple site dispenses with most of the god-talk and features plain-spoken stories and attractive sidebar photos of young men and women. I wonder whether the listed contact person at PortlandFellowship.com is the Jason who tells us his personal story of finding a way out of homosexuality?

Anyone Can Take Public Transport - Ben, can you imagine biking or even walking to your favorite upscale shopping galleria? The WaPo says this pipedream of urban planners is making headway at your DC fav Tyson's Corner. Adam would be ecstatic.

Cause of Death - Jonathan Brandis, dead at 27 of an apparant suicide. Doesn't sound like an overdose...could being gay have been a factor?

The View from Here - In an all-important matter, the new co-host on The View will be announced on Monday. The Boston Herald offers their take on the three finalists, and I tend to agree: Rachel Campos, of Real World San Francisco fame (and wife of Sean Duffy of RW Boston) would make for the most compelling television. Rachel is an outspoken liberal, but isn't too terribly grating like so many of those pretty conservative pundits can be (hello, Ms. Coulter!). My question is what will happen when Rachel needs to move to NYC full-time if her husband is pursuing politics in Wisconsin?

Picture Perfect - Disturbing news from the San Francisco Chronicle: the city has the nationa's highest syphilis rate. I'm sure we can agree that this is a very serious issue, but take a look at the image that gay.com has chosen to illustrate their version story.

Not So Fast - "Woohoo, go Maryland!" was Jamie's reaction the other day when he heard that legislators in his home state were starting to work on gay marriage there. But today's WaPo brings news that the Free State's Republican governor has vowed to fight any such efforts. Gee, who couldn't have seen that coming?

Savaging Commentary - Dan Savage is so good at capturing what I'm feeling in plain, concise language. In Savage's essay on Salon.com, I Don't, he talks about the fact that "any celebrations [about the Massachussets court case] would be premature" because "Monday's ruling was a battle won in the struggle for gay equality, not the end of the war."

He has a rather funny list of bullet points that gay marriage advocates should note, including: "If NPR is going to invite a smart, articulate, right-wing commentator to weigh in against gay marriage, it needs to get someone with a little more gravitas than Margeret Cho to speak for the pro-gay marriage side." But the real way to win the war, Savage argues is to pull a "Nixon-in-China" type assault, and gives credit to our buddy Drew, not the "press-release brigade at Human Rights Campaign." Ooh, burn!

Finally, Savage asks, "Has anyone noticed that making a big, public stink about your big, beautiful gay relationship is the KISS OF DEATH?" Of course we have, but I appreciate Dan making it crystal clear. The author of a Slate essay It's the Commitment, Stupid - How to sell gay marriage makes a similar point, in talking about how many gays treat "commitment ceremonies" as throwaway events: "It was a beautiful ceremony, but everyone knew the marriage wasn't legal, and now it's over. I wonder whether the couple might have stayed together if Massachusetts had entrusted them with the rights and responsibilities of marriage. It wouldn't have hurt."

But don't gay marriage opponents have bigger issues than whether Chip and Reichen can actually get married and divorced. Shouldn't a better PR campaign to promote marriage concentrate on Goldie & Kurt, Tim & Susan and Oprah & Steadman to build their case to the public?

Finger Lickin' - With the Federal Trade Commission investigating its ridiculous advertising claims that fried chicken is part of a low-carb diet, KFC has decided to drop the campaign. You mean the 15-piece bucket I ate yesterday isn't South Beach-approved?

Let the Author Beware - With blogging having entered the consciousness of mainstream America, our friends at Blogger have posted some tips on such useful topics as "How Not to Get Fired Because of Your Blog" and "What to do if your Mom discovers your blog." Such thoughtful customer service!

Hop on Pop! - Now that the WashingtonPost.com has taken to spreading every story -- like this one on AT&T's curious patent on a method of defeating spam filters -- across three whole webpages, I'm happier than ever that the Yahoo! Companion toolbar now has a convenient and functional pop-up blocker. (Yes, I know the Google toolbar has had this for some time, but I find the Yahoo toolbar to be infinitely more useful, with instant access to my e-mail, address book, calendar and other functions that Google lacks.)

Sad - What parent in their right mind allows Michael Jackson to be alone with his child?

Self-Serving - The NY Times charts the latest retailing trend, the self-service checkout lane. I found the story to be especially timely, given that I used a self-service register at Home Despot on Sunday. The interface for the system at Homo Depot is fairly lame: after scanning an item, you place it onto a scale to verify that the weight matches the UPC. So if you scan a lightbulb, but put down a can of paint, the system knows that you screwed up. I've used somewhat more intelligently designed self-checkout lane at Krogers in Dallas and Columbus, and once at the K-Mart of Thousand Oaks.

Like the Times articles notes, sometimes you just don't want to face a cashier, for fear that they might be lacking health care while you purchase your bon bons. For me, the best part of self-service would be not getting quizzed about my grocery selections. Here's a typical exchange - Cashier: "Wow, that's a lot of fresh herbs! Don't see many men buying that many vegetables!" To which I respond, "I'm a HOMOSEXUAL!" while flailing my arms.

Back to National Implications - Has anyone else noted the weird inversion going on right now in the reactions to the Goodridge ruling? Many supporters of gay civil rights (including almost all the Democratic presidential nominees) are praying that Massachusetts can see its way clear to enacting some kind of separate-but-equal system like Vermont's. At the same time, our most fervant opponents -- the FRC, Gary Bauer, Tom Delay -- are delerious to proclaim actual gay marriage in MA.

Here's why: As Prof. Eugene Volokh envisions it,

The FMA is proposed and passes, because right now gay marriage is still not popular. The FMA prohibits all gay marriage, including that enacted by legislatures or the voters. Ten, twenty, or thirty years from now, when people no longer object much to gay marriage, gay marriage will be constitutionally banned, and the constitutional prohibition will be very hard to undo. And in the meantime, the symbolic message sent by the law will be "gay marriage is so bad that the Constitution outlaws it." [parentheticals deleted]

It's a worst-case scenario, but one that he thinks is "quite likely." I can't allow myself to be that pessimistic, but even the possibility poses such grave dangers that I question whether it was worth risking. This is especially so given an alternate-universe scenario where gay marriage rights were allowed to develop organically and be enacted legislatively, just as they have been in -- wait for it -- California. Well, it's a moot point now, so all we can do is gird ourselves for all-out battle to the finish with the forces of Mordor.

P.S. Ben, can you believe I posted praise for the Golden State?

What the Court Said - Forgetting the national implications for a moment, I keep coming back to what the SJC could have meant in referring the issue to the legislature.

I had thought, based on the majority opinion, that the marriage licensing statute itself was silent on whether couples could be same-sex. Apparently the plaintiffs thought so too, because the only relief they requested was a declaratory judgment construing the statute to be available to gay couples. The high court obliged. I think the key here may lie in the recent Canadian gay marriage rulings -- which according to the SJC "redefined the common law meaning of marriage" (referring to law developed by courts, not by statute). The Bay State court has now done the exact same in Massachusetts. To do so, the SJC said, is "entirely consonant with established principles of jurisprudence empowering a court to refine a common-law principle in light of evolving constitutional standards."

Doesn't that provide the answer right there? Marriage includes gays right now, in Massachusetts. The only thing left is to clean up any stray inconsistencies in the code or administrative procedures (e.g., license forms that say "husband" and "wife"). Wow -- that is historic. Too bad the court muddled its message.

Aftermath - Howard Bashman's How Appealing has a blogger's roundup of the major dailies' coverage of the Goodridge decision. Slate's "Today's Papers" adds a few more. For the local experts, check out the Boston Globe's political analysis, pro-gay marriage editorial and report that liberal Cambridge may not wait to issue gay marriage licenses, as well as the Herald's coverage and somewhat less enthusiastic editorial.

What would Drew think? - Since we seem to be on a new word binge lately, I herewith present for your approval the QE-inspired term "manscaping," the artful shaving and trimming of a man's body hair. (Earliest print citation to the Sacramento Bee, Ben!) I can kind of remember Carson using the term, but the whole concept makes me shudder, so I probably tried to block it out.

Some Thoughts on Goodridge - In no particular order, my off-the-cuff observations from the text of the ruling:

No constitutionally adequate reason - The court analyzed the case under a minimal "rational basis" test, which it said the statute failed. The judges therefore did not have to decide if they should apply "strict scrutiny" as they would if a fundamental right or suspect classification were implicated. Only few suspect classes are recognized -- race, ethnicity and religion -- and gays have never rated that level of protection in court-developed law. Using the less-strict test, but striking down the law anyway, seems to be a theme in recent gay rights cases, notably SCOTUS's Romer in 1996 (throwing out Colorado's Amendment 2).

No privileged intercourse - The court absolutely demolished the faulty logic of the "marriage is for procreation" argument. That's not a tough argument to refute, since we all know childless marriages. In doing so, the majority adopts a strikingly modern concept of reproduction and comes close to stating that "inherently more cumbersome non-coital means of reproduction" are no less valid than the old fashioned kind. Remarkable.

Married with children - I think the court had a less solid foundation to attack the state's argument that opposite-sex marriage is the best environment for child rearing. That probably reflects my own biases on the subject, for even I am not convinced that having two mommies or two daddies is as optimal as having one of each. The standard counterargument -- that you're closing the barn door on a society that's already changed -- seems weak to me. In any case, the majority find that barring two same-sex partners from child rearing "cannot plausibly further" the government's stated policy of supporting good child rearing.

The impact of Lawrence - The majority opinion cited Lawrence throughout for aspirational principles, if not direct precedent. The dissenters obligingly quoted Scalia's warning that Lawrence would lead to gay marriage.

The uniqueness of Massachusetts - The majority opinion is replete with references to the progressive social situation in MA, which support the court's pro-gay finding and which don't easily carry over to other jurisdictions. A citation to the commonwealth's "strong affirmative policy of preventing discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation" doesn't exactly translate to states such as Virginia where the legislature has repeatedly balked at decriminalizing gay sex. In any event, the case was decided under Massachusett's constitutional principles, which are "if anything, more protective of individual liberty and equality than the Federal Constitution." The good news is that the ruling can't be appealed any further. The bad news is that the ruling doesn't apply anywhere else.

What the opinion does - By its terms, Goodridge left the language of Massachusett's marriage licensing laws intact. The court merely "construe[d] civil marriage to mean the voluntary union of two persons as spouses, to the exclusion of all others." Yet the justices unaccountably stopped short of ordering that marriage licenses be granted to the plaintiffs. The court is conspicuously silent on what it expects the legislature to do all the while instructing it "to take such action as it may deem appropriate in light of this opinion." Not following through, considering everything else at stake, is surely disappointing.

Best zinger by the opposition - After quoting Lawrence's holding which threw out state regulation of intimate activity, Justice Spina wrote in dissent "Ironically, by extending the marriage laws to same-sex couples the court has turned substantive due process on its head and used it to interject government into the plaintiffs’ lives." Touché, but: Consider the religious freedoms enshrined in the First Amendment. They guarantee both free exercise of and freedom from the establishment of religion. Not everything is about getting government out of lives. Sometimes it's about making government treat us all the same.

Is it a victory or defeat? - Call me a pessimist, but I think it is still too early to tell what will come of the Massachusetts ruling today. While the court passed the buck to the legislature, it didn't leave as much wiggle room as the Vermont court did in 1999, which led to that state's separate but equal "civil unions." That might require the legislature either to bite the bullet and pronouce true gay marriage or to endorse a constitutional amendment against gay marriage. (Could they possibly do both, while establishing civil unions to come into effect when the amendment does?) I have no notion of statewide politics in Massachusetts, but I have heard that BYU-graduate Governor Romney is not quite the straight ally we had in Howard Dean, and the speaker of the state assembly is likewise opposed. It seems the leader of the state senate backs civil unions. (I'm sure there will be more in-depth analysis of that issue but here's a quick take from the Boston Globe.) Hold tight, and let's see where this takes us.

TV News and Notes - Random errata for all of you who can't get enough popular television. First up, we've got official word on the long-rumored Survivor All Stars edition. Next up, we've got Gal Pals, the latest "inspired by Queer Eye" series that puts a straight woman under the fashion microscope of the gays. Meanwhile, be sure to watch the new episodes of the original Queer Eye, starting tonight.

Oh and, in Saved by the Bell news, read about Mr. Belding's latest travails and see Tiffani Theissen as the "Chick We'd Switch For" in this month's Instinct.

Oh, sh*t, here it comes! - Brace yourselves. The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court is scheduled to release its ruling at 10:00am EDT today in the case of Goodridge et al. vs. Department of Public Health.

Bush in London - As the Pres heads for his trans-Atlantic state visit, our erstwhile European correspondent Adam links us to an interesting collection of letters to George from prominent Britons. We await with eager anticipation his report from the front lines of the protest march.

Neologos - As we debate TiVo lingo, I would like to popularize a phrase from last month's Wired I find very useful: page slap. Feel free to use as a noun or transitive verb.

Superficiality Rules - Thank you Men's Fitness for the hot shot of hockey player Mike Modano's woof-worthy chest and hairy armpit. :-)

The Gipper, Redux - Playing off John's earlier post about Reagan, there's now word that uproar over The Reagans may pale in comparison to the reactions to the upcoming HBO telefilm adaptation of Angels in America. It shows fictionalized versions of what was happening at the White House and to gays following the discovery of AIDS. I remember seeing the play at the ACT Theater in San Francisco in 1995, and while it was a very affecting, emotional show, it was so rich, complex and long that it was nearly impossible for me to focus on everything happening within the play. Reading And the Band Played On was a revelation to me...I'm glad that gay literature for gay teen can be about falling in love and not about contending with AIDS. But it's an important reminder that most of us younger gay men, who grew up during the gap between the height of the AIDS crisis and the advent of Gay-Straight Alliances, have an obligation to learn about recent gay history.

Get Creative - Jamie proposed that we coin a word for that annoying tendency of TiVo to truncate the last 30 seconds of certain popular shows that run on to the very edge of their time slot. (NBC's Must See TV comes to mind.) He proposed the verb "to tivocate," while I came up with the noun "tivus interruptus." Any and all other suggestions welcome, and we'll submit them to WordSpy to get 'em in circulation.

Snarkers of the World, Unite! - Is that really the point of blogging? Maybe in large part, but to some it's getting tiresome. WaPo's Outlook has a look at the insular, overly cozy relationships among bloggers and their "in the know" readers.

Inauguration - Well, the day has finally come. Arnold Schwarzenegger is sworn in as Governor today, amid 'breathtaking' budget problem and without an offical place to stay. The new Gov is likely to call a Special Session of the Legislature to deal with the huge budget shortfall. Word is it will be impossible to navigate downtown, even though the ceremony is supposed to be a simple, low-key affair, rather than a lavish gala festivity. CSBA's Governmental Relations office is across from the steps of the Capitol, so I'll keep you posted on the hometown scoop if I get any good gossip.

Bike-By Groping - It's not just Arnold who's been groping...there's a serial groper on the loose at Stanford too!

Museum Tours - Hey Ben, maybe when you come to town in January we can take a ride out to the hottest new museum around Washington. The NYTimes took a look at the soon-to-open Udvar-Hazy Center at Dulles. Sounds nifty keen to me -- wanna go? (I wonder if the TWA 800 exhibit which is being moved to GWU will ever open to the public -- that would be something to see.)

What Next, Hiring Back Andrew Sullivan? - Not only did the NYTimes steal the title of a Beaverhausen post, The Wal-Martization of America, for an article on the situation affecting Southern California grocery stores, but this bastion of liberal media elites also uses the word "strike" without mentioning the lockout!

Project Runway - During a conversation with John about buying myself a cute new shirt at J. Crew (worn by the cute boy with short hair in the back row), I was encouraged to post an item on Beaverhausen about it. While some might argue that they can't afford any new couture now, I feel compelled to keep up with some of the latest trends. However, I'd dispute that statement, tongue firmly in cheek - you can't afford NOT to keep up with fashion! Every day is an opportunity to show it off!

During this chat, John noted that it's taken him a while to understand the role of color in selecting the most appropriate clothing for his skin tones. Let's join this chat, already in progress:

jsmjrVA: for a LONG time I was stuck in a blue/green rut - okay, but boring
benjb75: *shock* you mean your mother didn't ever teach you Color Me Beautiful? It was a Big Thing in the late 80's! I'm an autumn :-)
jsmjr VA: I don't know what that means. I just know plenty of objectively good looking shirts are not right for me
benjb75: to oversimplify, Color Me Beautiful is about defining yourself as a season, in terms of color palette
benjb75: spring=you look good in pastel colors, summer=brights, fall=earthy tones, winter=black & white
jsmjr VA: maybe you can turn this chat into a blog item? ;-)

And there you have it, a lesson in fashion, circa 1987, along with a dose of modern-day trendspotting.

"Graffiti on a sacred document" - Thanks to Ryan for keeping me up to date on the Federal Marriage Amendment. I hadn't heard that the wackjobs behind the FMA have been tinkering with it. Drew noted it on Wednesday.

When Ryan first said that "they changed the amendment," my first thought was they were addressed the common Federalist criticism of the FMA: As written, it nukes gay marriage even when enacted by state legislators, not just when liberal high court justices dictate it. Most backers say they are really only targeting the latter. No, the new and improved amendment goes off in a really weird direction. The added verbiage would permit domestic partnerships or their ilk, as long as they are not "predicated" on "the existence, recognition, or presumption of sexual conduct." What the f*ck?

Apparently, the brainstorm behind this change is to let DP arrangements exist, as long as the reason for them, and therefore the test to determine who qualifies, can't be a sexual relationship. As one supporter relates, "The amendment would ... allow state legislators to extend the particular privileges of marriage to gay couples -- just not as gay couples. People not in gay relationships would also have to be eligible." To me, this change makes clear that the effect of the original FMA was indeed to eliminate all DP programs nationwide, despite the boldfaced disclaimer to that effect on the Alliance for Marriage's website. The new language is a proviso to the core abolitionist language, carving out space for certain permitted types of recognition.

It's difficult to track how the revised amendment would work. California's recently expanded domestic partnership registry is probably out, because it requires an "intimate" relationship to qualify. Vermont's civil union is likewise toast, but its reciprocal beneficiaries registry for related persons is permissable. Hawaii -- the site of the original gay marriage debate -- has established reciprocal beneficiaries for both relatives and others, including gay couples. Written broadly, it's qualifying test is probably fine.

While the drafters seem to think the revision focuses the FMA, I would argue that it actually reinforces the amendment's wide-ranging effect. The FMA draws a line against "quasi-marriage" arrangements of all types, not just gay marriage. (It is no coincidence that the introduction of the FMA has coincided with the growing political visibility of unmarried straight America. They have a stake in this too.)

As far as I'm concerned the amendment's backers are just digging themselves a deeper hole with this change. When your first reaction to a Constitutional amendment is to laugh, how worried can you get?

They Must Be Coming From Somewhere - If the Washington metro area keeps attracting the young and the educated, who is losing them? My home town of Norfolk. While it's always nice to be smack-dab in the middle of a sociological trend, I do feel bad for the old place. Now who's gonna shop Restoration at MacArthur Center?

In the Homeland's Defense - Now, I'm not one to spread glossy coffee table books full of homoerotic photography around the house, but if I were, Kobi Israel's work on male bonding in the Israeli army (which won him a place in the 2003 Out Magazine 100) is just the sort of thing I'd pick. It doesn't hurt that the IDF is about the most attractive military in the world -- and gay-friendly to boot. Oh, and here's some more of Kobi's oeuvre. Enjoy!

Let's Dance - Wheaton College, home of Beamer Hall, is preparing for its first ever sockhop tonight, reports the AP. Sounds like a Kevin Bacon moment.

What would Jojean think? - This Onion spoof poses an interesting connundrum about someone very dear to us and the danger that she could become Beaverhausen's "most avid reader and most vocal fan."

California's Got Arnold... - Virginia's young, up-and-coming Attorney General Jerry Kilgore is facing opposition from a strange direction these days. Anti-gay groups are used to praising him, as when he defended Virginia's sodomy law in the aftermath of SCOTUS's Lawrence decision. But they were hopping mad when Jer decided to sign on to one of those non-discrimination pledges that gay groups circulate from time to time. (I guess this explains why anyone with conservative credentials has to think twice about signing something so innocuous. It's great how, to these people, even Log Cabin types are radical homosexual activists.) Everyone seems to think that the AG was hedging his bets for a prospective run for governor, when he'll need at least a few votes from Northern Virginia's soccer moms. I'm glad to see you can't be a complete right-wing asshole and expect to win the state. Alabama, on the other hand...

P.S. With the end of Virginia's Crimes Against Nature law, bible-thumpers are retrenching and working on how they can amend the old sodomy law to accede to Lawrence while still keeping the homos down. Gay groups are asking that people write the Virginia Crime Commission and urge them not propose changes "that may further stigmatize gay and lesbian Virginians." Something tells me Commission chairman Robert McDonnell, an anti-gay bigot, is interested in hearing from us.

Athletic Evolution - Rather than trying to create as many blog posts as possible every day, I generally prefer to post on fewer, interesting high-quality topics. This post reflects just such an interest, as the Sac Bee reports that high school football players are bigger and beefier than ever before.

Calling Monty Python - Fish farting makes the news. Of course it does. Isn't the .wav file a nice touch?

Political Correctness in Montana - My question is, what the heck is an extension agent? Maybe someone from a more agrarian background can fill me in.

Passed By - A WaPo front-pager this week talks about how the District missed out on the boom years. Given the kind of leadership we had in the late 80s and early 90s, we're damn lucky not to have gone the way of Baltimore. We stayed alive, and our natural advantages ensure we'll always have a base, but the question is: can we "take our place with Seattle, Austin and San Francisco on the list of hot U.S. cities propelled by the talent and creativity of their population"? The Mayor is working on it, but if not, at least we've all got graduate degrees.

The Gipper - I mostly remember the Reagan years fondly. In seventh grade social studies I had to research issues for the 1980 election, and I fell hook-line-and-sinker for the then-prevalent anti-Soviet sentiment. I wrote a typically serious assessment of the U.S.'s dangerous inferiority to Russian military might. Living in the Navy town of Norfolk, we loved all the attention the newly conservative Congress lavished on us during the early 1980s. There always seemed to be awesome new aircraft carriers and or secret missile submarines pulling into port. Yeah, so maybe by the time high school rolled around, the things I would hear about Ed Meese and his ilk started bothering me. But this was a time when I was more likely to defend John Poindexter and his then little-known sidekick Oliver North, and I devoured the only Clancy novel then written. In short, those were happy carefree days when a boy could play war games without thinking too much about bigger issues, and certainly not about my own sexual confusion, which was far too scary to delve into.

It was only later that I learned the reaction of many social liberals to the Reagans, in particular, the pathological hatred espoused by many gays. I think I understand it, even if I don't share it. Those were the worst days of the AIDS crisis, and none of my generation can appreciate how bad it must have been. The fact that I didn't experience it -- maybe even succumb to it -- was an accident of history and the timing of my birth. So while I read Randy Shilts and have some sense of the desperation that lead to ACT UP, I don't have this visceral antipathy towards Ronnie which apparently led the screenwriters of the recently canceled CBS mini-series to put the words "Those that live in sin shall die in sin" into his mouth. No, I don't think Reagan was good for gays, but he probably wasn't as bad as his detractors make him out to be. (Rock Hudson's lover doesn't think so.) So the whole brouhaha over the bio-pic has me more bemused than agitated.

Down Wid It - I gotta get me a listen to some of this homo-hop. Read the definitive SF Chronicle article here.

Lesbian Public Enemy No. 2 Calls It Quits - Norah Vincent pens her last column for The Advocate.

When Dumb Jokes Gain Traction - Comedy Central (home of The Man Show) has taken the bait and actually plans to produce Straight Plan for the Gay Man. Hollywood just can't fight the irresistable attraction of a weak idea poorly executed. I can't say I look forward to this show with any hint of optimism, but I suppose it's just barely possible that they might pull it off with something approaching good humor. What are the straight guys gonna say when their "project" does so much better than them at picking up chicks? More importantly, do the Queer Eye guys get a royalty?

"An even bigger nonissue" - The Advocate sheds a little light on Sargeant Smith (not his real name or rank), the mystery soldier whose out-and-proud service in Iraq was much promoted last month by the Center for the Study of Sexual Minorities in the Military at the University of California, Santa Barbara.

From the Islands to The Island - The new week begins with yours truly finally home from all the overseas trips and conferences in NYC. While the former was relaxing, the latter is always fun, since I usually cop a great dinner compliments of my boss, plus get to hit The Scene with my homo friends in the City.

Fun with Hustler Boys - This year I expanded my exploration of gay New York with a journey to East Midtown haunts. (I took a circuitous trip by heading first to see Will's new neighborhood in the East 70's, which is fine if you want fratboy bars and not much else). Meeting up with another DC buddy Mike, the three of us ventured over to Oscar Wilde for -- like -- one half-second. The place was mostly empty, and a scary Latin drag queen was insisting that we three sign up for karaoke. (OW Bar, by the way, has nothing to do with the noted bookstore of the same name.) From there we crossed the street to Townhouse. Now I had never been in a "hustler" bar before, so that was pretty interesting to me, and no less so to Sam, Will's straight friend who lives nearby and also joined us. The place was 75% older gentlemen (say, 50+) of various ethnicities, and 25% thirty or under. While the ambiance was a bit yacht-clubbish, with wall-to-wall carpeting and oil paintings on the walls, the vibe was pure trading floor at the stock exchange. We only stayed a little while before grabbing a midnight dinner at Jackson Hole. (No, not a gay bar, but rather a mini-chain with awesome burgers).

Bowery Bohos and Backroom Shenanigans - Friday night was the night to go downtown, as the song says. But first I had a really nice (not to mention swank) cocktail hour drink-up with Chuck, my long lost buddy from high school and occasional B-haus reader. After that, and running late, I rushed to cab it down to 2nd & 2nd, in the Village, rejoin Mike and catch Will before his bartending shift ended at Urge Louge. Shortly after ten, we stopped by a burrito joint for some nourishment mexicana. Then Mike and I took our leave of Will, who was off to meet the boyfriend. From 2nd Ave. we made our way west to Bowery and that hopping new(ish) club, The Slide. This place was probably my favorite of the trip, with good music, an attractive crowd, and an unpretensious feel, despite its trendy best-of-the-neighborhood rep. I was quite willing to enjoy the blue-collar-ish B&Ts mingling with NYU-types and Soho twinks while grooving to some fine tracks. Upon taking our leave, Mike and I were initially destined for Opaline for some late night dancing when somehow we got -- ahem -- sidetracked. The Cock is certainly an institution -- some have called it the definitive East Village gay bar -- and where else could you expect good-looking twenty-somethings to spend five bucks to get into a grope bar with an old-school backroom? (When the police aren't raiding it -- talk about your throwbacks!) It's surely an interesting place to be after last call when the lights come up, but we ducked out just in time for some fantastic 4 a.m. pizza.

Until the last couple of years, I had always gone out to the usual Chelsea glitz clubs, but now having locals to guide me, I find I much prefer smaller clubs, many of which are on the east side. The places there tend to be a lot more laidback and comfortable, but certainly not down-market (unless that's what you are looking for). Dress tends to be more graphic tees and jeans than Kenneth Cole. Last year Mike and I hit Starlight and Phoenix, which are near each other along or just off Avenue A, after first venturing over to trendy Hell in the Meatpacking district. On my list for the future: I hear that Hell's Kitchen has some great places, like therapy, and I suppose it's remotely possible that I might actually find out what's going on in Williamsburg (the first stop of the cross-Village L line over the East River into Brooklyn) someday. But really, even going out until 5 a.m., I'm gonna need more time in New York to do all this exploring!

Word Association - Television has given us Queer Duck, Queer as Folk, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy recently...and in turn, here's an interesting analysis on the changing use of the word "queer."

Vote of Confidence - I was listening to Joan Kroc beneficiary NPR this weekend and I heard a story on This American Life about the differences between theory and practice, specifically when it comes to improvements in voting machines. Most of us think of lever machines or punch-card ballots as antiquated, with the Help America Vote Act pushing states and municipalities to discard the technology. However, this report pointed out that touch-screen voting machines have problematic features of their own, especially the fact that there's no easy way to conduct a recount using them. The leading maker of touch-screen voting machines is Diebold, who already makes most ATM's. So why can't they make voting machines that print out a simple receipt allowing voters to confirm their selections and while also creating a paper trail for recounts and preventing fraud?

Die with a T - It's Day Seven of the South Beach diet. Kevin's been on it with me (as has Scott, which has made things easier), but I'm getting really sick of string cheese and hard boiled eggs. Even though it's working (five and a half pounds and counting), I'm still dying for a piece of bread. And, from what I read, bakers across the country are wishing I'd do just that.

Martha Speaks - Barbara Walter's interview with our favorite doyenne of domesticity finally airs on ABC's 20/20 on Friday. In the sit-down, Martha proclaims her innocence and also falls for Barbara's trick of making her repeatedly say "good thing."

Look for the Union Label - Speaking of work stoppages, what is up with Amazon lately? First Ben tries to send me a book which never arrives and goes 'round-and-'round with useless customer service reps (doubtlessly emailing from some techno-compound in Bangalore). Now I receive a package addressed to me that contains a diet book wrapped up as a gift from some woman in Napa, California for her mom in Jacksonville, Oregon. (Where the hell?) I'm wondering if there isn't some kind of pro-union skullduggery at the Lexington, Kentucky return center -- not a stoppage, but rather deliberate misdirection of goods. Thank goodness for "right to work" laws.

Miss Me? - Sorry follks for the lack of posting, but it just didn't seem the thing to do in the Caymans where scuba diving and snorkling are simply a far better use of time. (For background, check out last year's write-up.) I've got a NY conference coming up too, so Ben will just have to keep on keeping on, and doing such a marvelous job of it too! (Who says he can't carry his weight around here?)

Dealing (with) Drugs - I may be a liberal in most areas, but I can also be a puritanical prude when it comes to controlled substances. And maybe that's why I have a hard time identifying with this study showing that young gay men use more drugs than their peers.

Wal-Martization of America - Besides the fires, the big hassle in Southern California has been the thousands of grocery clerks picketing the three major supermarket chains (now only down to two). While Southern California a pretty robust selection of markets, I can only imagine what would happen if such a strike/LOCKOUT moved north to Sacramento. LA has plenty of Whole Foods and Trader Joe's and the local Gelson's and Bristol Farms chains. In Sacramento, we'd be in big trouble if our three largest chains went on strike or were locked out. We've only got one Whole Foods and a couple Trader Joe's in the area. According to my mom, shelves at Trader Joe's were bare and yet lines were still ten deep with customers honoring the picket lines.

So what's brought this scenario on? The root of all evil: Wal-Mart. The chains are arguing that in order to compete with the behemoth discounter, they'll need to keep costs down while also differentiating their service. I don't patronize Wal-Mart and even if I did, when it comes to groceries I'm motivated by quality and convenience, not by price (just see my Mastercard bill for the proof). I'm afraid my views might be clouded by my hatred of Wal-Mart, but I do have to questions whether the protections the unions are trying to keep in place are reasonable.

*AMENDED 3PM PST*

Stuff on Food - Cooks Illustrated is a funny little magazine. It's Bon Appetit meets Consumer Reports, as recipes are tested using different brands of ingredients and with different types of cooking supplies. It also runs some of the lamest reader tips I've ever seen--"tired of spills and splatters damaging your clothes while cooking? don't buy an expensive apron, turn an old oversized dress shirt into a smock!" Uh, thanks for the hint. It's that sort of dumb, but practical information that makes the Sexy Food Nerds of America's Test Kitchen, the companion PBS show, so much fun to watch.

Teens & Steroids - Kevin and I had an interesting discussion at brunch about this SF Chron article about the fact that more high school athletes are risking steroid use. I have to say that I've heard all the horror stories that are once again repeated in this article--shriveled testicles, backne, 'roid rage. Are such side effects really such a deterrent to getting big fast? And really, aren't those symptoms of steroid abuse? I think when the average teenage boy sees athletes with huge paychecks and huge muscles, they're not really concerned with the fact that those huge paychecks can go toward paying a physician to monitor the usage of the drugs in safe dosages. A dumb, immature teen may not realize that using twice the dose won't make them twice as big. No wonder they're all developing Adonis complexes these days...they're holding themselves up for unrealistic comparison to their steroid-using peers.

TV News and Notes - Did you see the disturbing new study that says a signficant percentage of two year olds have televisions in their own bedrooms? In that vein, I thought it appropriate to share a few TV-related articles. First off, the New Yorker ran an excellen profile of Tina Fey, including one of my favorite SNL lines from recent memory: "Bitch, I couldn't be any more alert." Next up, the NY Times has a profile of the two women in charge behind the scenes of C.S.I.. Seems as though Debra Messing is going to have a baby, and the Queer Eye guys are getting a raise. Finally, Speaking of the NY Times, they've got a new television critic and so does the Los Angeles Times, but the LA Weekly reports that finding the new talent took some effort.

Meathead and the Terminator - Even though he's become a one-man Chamber of Commerce for Sacramento, Governor-elect Schwarzenegger isn't our only celebrity public policy maker. Rob Reiner (actor, All in the Family, director, The American President) is the Chair of the First Five Commission which advocates for universal preschool statewide. Reiner and the California Teachers Association have partnered on a new ballot initiative to change the tax rates for businesses - a win-win proposition that would fund more health and education programs for toddlers, that just happens to create more potential members of CTA. Will taxpayers revolt at any sort of hike? Many would argue that the unintended beneficiary of Prop 13 has been big business, not the simple homeowner. From the little I've heard about the provision of the initiative, it sounds like there could be some stumbling blocks, but I'm inclined to think that a new scheme for taxing business property might not be the most unfair idea out there to help bolster the state coffers.

Dean's Queer Eye - There's been a bit of a queer spin on some of the recent news to come out of the Dean campaign recently. First off, this kooky report about how the candidate called himself a metrosexual and then backtracked and said he didn't even know what the word meant. Get this guy some pop culture lessons, stat!

But then came the story that one of Gephardt's staffers called a Dean staffer a "faggot." What in the world is going on with these two campaigns? Perhaps President Bush should speak out and ask the Democrats to conduct themselves in a more civilized manner.

Media Firestorm - As the Southern California wildfires are finally doused, Beaverhausen looks back on the rescue of a KNBC newsteam whose van was burned in the fire. The reporter was Chuck Henry, former host of Eye on LA (inspiration for The Simpsons' Eye on Springfield. I'm sure they didn't intend for news coverage to become the news and luckily both Henry and his cameraman made it out safely.