What Not to Wear? - It's a true quandary. When your New Year's Eve plans include venturing into San Francisco's South-of-Market fringe hipster society to attend a costume ball cum bear rave (look it up), whatever is a girl to wear? Any answers yet, Ben?

P.S. Here are photos from a similar event to give you some ideas.

Holy Cholesterol, Batman! - Living in fear means letting the mad cows win. So the fellas and I dined on steak and freedom fries and sauce bernaise at Bistrot du Coin last night, just like U.S. Secretary of Agriculture Ann Veneman would have us do.

Asking and Telling - Falling a *distant* second behind Beaverhausen fave Reichen in the world of Don't Ask, Don't Tell is "Paul." Paul's the boyfriend of Real World New Orleans hottie, Danny. And tonight, an MTV news special 'Out In The Real World' finally reveals his face, and his story. Tune in for details...I'm expecting full commentary and feedback, Schroeder.

"A magnet for homosexuals" - We wouldn't want to turn America into that, would we? Well, your typical Bhaus reader probably would, so we're unlikely to join the CFI's Robert Knight in opposing the Permanent Partners Immigration Act. (The WaPo has Knight's quote -- and touching stories of local binational gay couples -- in this update on the PPIA's slim chances.) I see the status quo as a clear violation of equal rights. As an American, I deserve the basic civil right to import nubile young Eastern European lovers just like straight men do!

Good Times, Good Times - There's something intensely satisfying about the cliche of late December Year in Review Lists. Therefore, I present to you my take on the Top Ten issues of 2003, as measured by the number of comments left by readers on Beaverhausen posts.

1) Queer Eye
2) TiVo
3) Gay drug-usage survey
4) Color Me Beautiful
5) The Reagans
6) The word "queer"
7) Grocery strike (and lockout!)
8) Playmakers
9) Chip & Reichen
10) Harvey Milk High School

Honorable Mention: Nate Berkus and Boy Meets Boy. Now remember, this is *my* fun Top Ten...if you're looking for FMA updates and sodomy laws, check Newsweek. John, any favorites of yours from this year that I've left off the list?

Bush's Quote, Redux - I hope this guy is right. Thanks to Drew's link, we can read a highly critical inside report on how the core FMA supporters find themselves reduced to quibbles over what the amendment should say and do. Keep in mind that the project to erase civil unions and DP registrations is the one the President has specifically disclaimed. Sure he flirts with supporting "a" constitutional amendment which would "honor" traditional marriage, but he also says "whatever legal arrangements people want to make, they're allowed to make, so long as it's embraced by the state or [?] start at the state level." (I think he almost managed to channel Dick Cheney on that one.) In fact, it seems pretty clear to me Bush has staked out a position openly opposing the extremists here. Of course I don't like his willingness to embrace an "FMA-lite," but given what the bigot brigade wants to do to wipe out so-called marriage substitutes, I can't demonize W. Hell, how many Democratic candidates are pushing for gay marriage again?

Not So Fast - Time Magazine explains how we can have both the success of gay TV and a NYTimes poll saying most Americans want gay sex to be illegal. In short, the mainstream is splintered and there's no longer any consensus on cultural matters.

2003: The Year of The Gay - For those of us more in the mood for some lighthearted holiday posting, here's a quickie year-in-review article on gay TV, which is a nice companion piece to the news that the gay pay cable channel Outlet has been revived.

Code Orange in Rural Virginia - The LATimes reports that officials are worried about an Al Qaeda plot against... Rappahannock County. Seriously. There's next to nothing in this sparsely populated county of Blue Ridge foothills, so I wonder what "government facilities" the LAT is talking about.

Meanwhile, a senior federal official says "I have never seen the national security leadership as tense and anxious as they are right now," after apparently receiving "the most alarming, credible and specific information they had ever seen." Nervous Christmas, indeed!

Update: The WaPo Metro section checks in on the bemused locals.

The "Ick" Factor - Did anyone else want to boot when they saw the cover of the January 20 Advocate, "Melissa and Tammy: A love story"? (See also the very special edition website here.) Another celebrity gay marriage going strong at... 2 years! I'm sure this divorce will be as entertaining as the last. Someone should investigate if there is a cover curse just like the one over at Sports Illustrated.

Nickels and Dimes - Speaking of courts "moving the line" for gays, word has reached us from the Great White North of a legal victory for gays seeking back pensions from the Canadian government. The WaPo's financial advisor reminds us that there can be no gay marriage benefits at the federal level, regardless of what the states (Massachusetts, Vermont or California) decide to do. As an aside, I once read an argument that gay couples aren't losing much by not gaining access to each other's Social Security benefits. The theory went that, since each party in the typical same-sex couple works throughout his lifetime, each has access to his own SSI, and the incremental benefit from a widowers' allowance is so small that we ain't missing much. Not the best argument contra gay marriage, but just a factoid to keep in mind.

On the Limits of Courts - While we wait on Massachusetts to decide what to do, here's some thoughtful commentary on the SSM issue to consider:

Judge Richard Posner, writing in The New Republic last week, criticized the use of legal arguments to force states to include gays under existing marriage statutes. He identifies a fundamental logical flaw in these arguments: that there is really no conceptual barrier, once gays are included, to extending marriage to any number of other prohibited relationships, like polygamy and adult incest. Posner posits that such distinctions can legitimately be made, but only by legislatures. When courts undertake to move the line, they merely dress up the exercise of bald judicial discretion in legalistic reasoning. The courts are in fact making political decisions.

The worry is that in Goodridge, the court made the "wrong" political decision. Unlike Lawrence, which overturned moribund sodomy laws in a handful of states, the Massachusetts SJC got way ahead of the general population on this issue. No state - none out of fifty - recognizes gay marriage, and even foreign bastions of liberalism like the Netherlands and Canada have only just changed their laws on this matter. When Brown v. Board of Education desegregated Southern schools, there was a tradition in other states - on the books if not in practice - of abhoring such discrimination. Instead of "moral vanguardism" among an undemocratic judiciary, Posner argues that federalism should run its course, with states engaging in social experimentation to see if the population can come around on the issue. Then maybe some far future court could find a "fundamental right" to gay marriage, sweeping up those holdout states which undoubtedly will be the same who were the last to hold on to their sodomy laws.

Consider an example of what Posner is talking about. New Jersey is currently poised to enact the country's second comprehensive domestic partnership law. The legislature is actually doing so not because a court ordered them to. Rather they were goaded into action when a court rejected the arguments of gay plaintiffs suing to marry. This case represents, it seems to me, the best kind of result under our incremental, democratic and little-R republican system. The court, while sympathetic, was unwilling to undertake a massive social re-engineering, but the legislature is doing the right thing anyway. Not that the plaintiffs' actions were in vain: I admit that a real threat that the court might act was probably important in motivating legislators. No one should argue, however, that rule by judicial fiat is preferable to democratic change. Luckily, judicial deference in this case did not mean the continuation of an inequitable status quo. I guess we'll never know what would have happened if the Massachusetts court had followed the same pattern.

Of Polls and Politics - Well, if I hadn't already seen the big gay marriage story of the week, this morning's GLAAD alert certainly would have clued me in. (It must have pained the liberal media watchdogs to turn their scorn on their erstwhile allies at the NYTimes.) However sensationalistically the Times may have reported the results of their nationwide poll on gay marriage, there's a lot of important data in the survey that needs to be take seriously. The point is nearly twice as many people oppose gay marriage than approve of it, they feel strongly about it, they vote on this issue, and they'd like to see a constitutional ban on legal recognition of our relationships. Moreover, we've actually lost some ground in our efforts to win the hearts and minds of the populace. GLAAD's "no news but good news on gays" policy isn't going to do anyone - least of all us gay people - any good. What we need are sober assessments of reality, and a concrete battleplan to preserve and extend our hard-won societal acceptance.

As for what our favorite current president has to say on the subject, I highly recommend reading Steve Miller's play-by-play review of W's recent statement on the Federal Marriage Amendment and the reactions of the right and the left to same. (Not that I would want anyone thinking critically about news reporting on gay issues.) For the record, here's the Shrub's entire quote on the subject:

If necessary, I will support a constitutional amendment which would honor marriage between a man and a woman, codify that, and will — the position of this administration is that whatever legal arrangements people want to make, they're allowed to make, so long as it's embraced by the state or [?] start at the state level. Let me tell you, the court I thought overreached its bounds as a court. It did the job of the legislature. It was a very activist court in making the decision it made. As you know, I'm a person who believes in judicial restraint, as opposed to judicial activism that takes the place of the Legislative Branch.

Read Diane Sawyer's question and the entire follow-up here.

Big Brother - er, Dad - Is Watching - This past Sunday, the NYTimes took a look at the emerging technology of do-it-yourself surveillance via GPS chip tracking. Thanks to the E911 initiative, most mobile phones now have built-in locator technology, so your movements can be traced from afar. AT&T was the first provider to roll out so-called location-based services, a/k/a Find Friends, and now a new company called uLocate has jumped into the business. (Or if they're too young for mobiles, slap a Wherify Wireless watch on their wrist.)

Compared with FF, which requires active use to know where your loved ones are, uLocate sounds like parental (or spousal) monitoring from Hell. As reported in the Times, this service allows you to set up an alert system that will notify you via email or an SMS when someone leaves or arrives from locations you have defined (e.g. school, home, office). Just the thought that you're being watched has a deterrent effect, says the Times:

Mr. Lutz did not happen to be checking when Britney developed pangs of guilt for taking a train home later than she was supposed to, but the system worked just as he had hoped: she volunteered the information that evening. "Before, they might not have told me the truth, but now I know they're going to," said Mr. Lutz. "They know I care. And they know I'm watching."

As if the poor teenager wasn't suffering enough for being named Britney Lutz.

License to Thrill - Well, with only a day to spare before my birthday, I've got my appointment today at the California Department of Motor Vehicles branch in my hometown of Thousand Oaks. After 12 years, my license has finally expired and I have to retake the picture that's lasted me since my 16th birthday. I'm going with the full beard facial hair concept for the picture. I'll probably shave right away so that I no longer look like the image on my license. I also need to revise my weight on the card, so that it's slightly more accurate. Did I really weigh 30 pounds less in 1991?

The Best Chrismukkah Ever - Fox's The O.C. extends the English language.

His-and-His - Boy, as these things go, a Canadian gay wedding isn't all that expensive. But, for the love of Jeff, get rid of those gawdawful cake toppers! They're tacky, no matter what your sexual orientation!

Two Snaps Up - Uh oh, John...is the game of "Snap" really just an urban legend after all?

Birdwatching Society - A peregrine falcon seems to have taken up residence on top of my office building in Norfolk. (Yes, now you know why I've been away from blogging.) Earlier this week, I caught sight of the native raptor out the window as it dove and spun only a few dozen feet away. Today I watched it bring a pigeon back up to its nest, clutched tight in its talons. Wonder if it is this one, or one of her offspring?

Madge and Wes, Part 2 - It's official, Madge has officially endorsed General Wesley Clark for President. Wait, can she even vote...isn't she British?

Gus & Elmer - The NYT has a deviously sweet profile of Gus and Elmer, an older gay couple, who after being together for six decades, decided to elope to Canada. What a nonthreatening way to show that there ARE gay couples out there in de facto marriages, and that providing a societial context for them to be open about their relationships isn't really going to hurt anything. It seems to me that the notion of gay marriage seems a lot more palatable to straight people if you're talking about elderly people being committed and offering each other companionship. There's a big difference between that scenario and thinking about a "marriage" between two hot young stallions who decide after dating for a short period that they want to be husbands (sorry, Reichen and Chip). But even Bush is now trying to walk the fine line between the ick factor and state's rights.

Supermarket Sweep - Having spent last week in Southern California, I experienced the grocery strike AND LOCKOUT firsthand. Things are getting even more dire, as the grocery workers' health fund is running out of money. There is talk that the informational pickets may expand in Northern CA and Washington, DC and beyond. While it was tough to find we needed in San Diego, I would imagine that it would be even worse in other parts of the country that have fewer grocery choices. We need to keep up the liberal media bias against Wal-Mart to ensure that the talks end in compromise soon. Maybe Melissa Gilbert can help to broker the deal.

Extracurricular - This LA Times article about how Southland-area schools are renting out their campuses to film crews to make some extra cash reminded me of the productions filmed at Westlake High School while I was there. Sure, we all recognize Torrance High as the stand-in for West Beverly High and Sunnydale High. But no one really remembers that Dream a Little Dream, starring the Coreys, was filmed at WHS. But, thanks to constant repetition on Lifetime: Television for Women, WHS's starring role in A Friend to Die For with Kellie Martin and Tori Spelling will always be remembered. What productions were filmed at NA, John?

The Simple Presidential Life - Who couldn't get behind the WaPo's proposal for the Democrats to run Paris Hilton as their candidate for President.

Edina & Patsy are Back - After being waylaid with a cold and a trip to a work conference in San Diego, I'm back on the Beaverhausen bandwagon. But I'm not the only one back from an extended hiatus! The ladies of AbFab return with new episodes January 2nd older, but no wiser.

What The Ph_ck? - Thanks to Bono, Nicole Richie and Cartman, the airwaves have become a friendlier place for swearing.

The Swayze Connection - So Saddam was captured as part of Operation Red Dawn.

For those of you too young to remember, Red Dawn is the name of a jingoistic Soviet-bating "America under siege" NRA propaganda flick dating from the first Reagan administration. It starred a young Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson, and Charlie Sheen as high school kids forced to take up arms as guerrillas against a Russian occupation. Could the connection be random coincidence? Perhaps, but then why did commanders in Iraq nickname their geographic objectives Wolverine 1 and 2, hmm? (The movie heroes take their resistance group's name from the high school's tenacious little mascot.)

Okay, I can see some gung-ho army types choosing to name an operation after a favorite movie. But maybe they should have reconsidered whether it was a good idea to draw Iraqi parallels to a movie that lionizes rag-tag irregulars fighting a seemingly hopeless battle against occupation by a foreign oppressor.

Historical footnote: Red Dawn was the first movie released with the MPAA's brand new PG-13 rating.

Ain't Like It Used to Be - I guess my peers and I were the last generation of college students who didn't have cable TV in the dorms. (Even Princeton was in the process of installing it as we graduated, much to the professors' dismay.) On the other hand, having to troop to the eating club to watch MTV just helped everyone be a bit more sociable. We also thought it was nifty to be among the first to have a networked room, although there wasn't that much you could do on the Internet in those days. (Yes, porn was already available.) The AP has a report on living large on campus, 2003-style.

Sound and Fury - Does anyone get what's really going on in the case of the Lousiana schoolboy reprimanded for using the word "gay"? The story has sure been sensationalized by the media. Mainstream outlets parroted gay sites which originally claimed the boy merely referred to his mom, who is in fact a lesbian. Now it sounds like the boy told a classmate she was gay, too, which as much as anything was what provoked the disciplinary action. Just another example of how the facts get distorted (or at least take on unrelated meaning) when the interest groups and pundits start weighing in. This kind of thing wouldn't happen if, like when I was growing up, you didn't mix the sexes as early as second grade!

Do the kids still hang out at video arcades? - It's unclear to me just how many Beaverhausen readers are into electronic gaming, but it's an area I have been rediscovering over the last six months or so. Basically, I use my computer for work and for communicating with friends, and I refuse to install any games on the system because they tended to make the operating system unstable. However, now that I have a PlayStation 2, I'm reminded of how much fun arcading can be. While one-person shooters like my new Battlestar Galactica game are a blast, going head to head with friends can be the most fun. Brian especially seems to enjoy competing with me in The Simpsons Road Rage, so he sent along this article noting that Sega has sued Fox for infringing on its patents in creating the game. But will the lawsuit keep Bri from getting his hands on the newest version of the game, The Simpsons Hit and Run? Stay tuned.

How Not to Play the Washington PR Game - How on earth did the SLDN miss the opportunity to mark the tenth anniversary of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" with condemnations from the three highest ranking gay ex-military officers ever to go public? Instead, more than a week late and one major media event short, the NYTimes breaks the story. Now before we go and get excited about admirals and generals coming out, we should note that we're talking about generals in the Army Reserves and the surgeon-general (surgeon-admiral?) of the Coast Guard. They aren't exactly Tommy Franks and the commander of the 101st Airborne. Neverthesless, there's some weight to this story and it could have made so much more impact if the SLDN or its upstart competition for gay-warrior mindspace, the CSSMM, could have produced a media moment. Sigh... maybe next time.

Sanity in San Fran? - The Green Party fails to win a foothold in city hall in the city with the highest concentration of bleeding hearts in the country. Sounds like Gonzalez just didn't mobilize the street bum and panhandler vote.

Giant Sucking Sound - Jamie says the earthquake we all just felt here in the DC metro was probably just Virginia turning on their pumps and sucking the Potomac dry.

Sci Fi Fanatics Unite - Even though I don't have much of an interest, I know Beaverhausen readers do...Monday marks the premiere of the Battlestar Gallactica miniseries.

ISO Dinner - There are fetishes, and there are fetishes, but this is ridiculous. I can't tell which is worse, the cannibal or his "victim."

From Linguist to Pool Girl - I haven't had the opportunity to refer to any broadsheets as "reliably pro-gay" in a while, so here's a Page One example of the WaPo's applaudable bias. Plus we finally get to see what Alastair Gamble and his boyfriend look like. He lives in DC? Too bad I wasn't able to make it to Tuesday night's SLDN town hall meeting in Arlington, where the Emory grad was going to speak. BTW, since Jamie and I visited Monterey in August, I have a better appreciation for how difficult it would be to remain closeted, there in the very shadow of gay mecca. No wonder the military can't keep their homos in line at the DLI.

"I don't like the naked men" - Such is the sentiment of a female member of the Crystal Mall six, who decreed that Abercrombie is "over" in this NYTimes commentary on the difficult business of the teen fashion. Shhhh, don't tell my gay friend Ivan.

Wes and Madge - Courtesy of John comes this quote from an article in London's Sunday Telegraph: "In an unlikely attempt to gain star backing for a slow-burning campaign, the Democratic presidential candidate, General Wesley Clark, is spending late nights talking politics with Madonna." Wes, hon, you might want to check recent album sales figures before trying to woo Mrs. Richie. She don't got the influence she once did, but she could SO deliver the gay vote with her endorsement. Actually, maybe that's a pretty smart strategy for someone who didn't sign the Vermont Civil Unions law and doesn't have a lesbian daughter.

Not Yet Six Feet Under - Two lamentable modern trends go head to head when plaintiffs lawyers sue a reality show in this story from the Washington Post. The Learning Channel is on the defensive from parents who never permitted the show True Stories From the Morgue to film their dead son's naked body on a morgue examination table. Seems to me the family has a pretty good case for invasion of privacy and infliction of emotional distress, but the unfeeling media conglomerate refuses to back down. Its spokesdrone asserted that the show -- which has been sued before -- "demystifies the critical role that forensic science plays in law enforcement and crime solving." (It's just a coincidence that they get higher ratings for showing real dead bodies, right?)

Oddly, the paper never explains the seedy story of Reidy's demise following an affair with a much older, down-and-out country singer who later went on to steal his identity to obtain prescription medication. (Question: Is there some hidden connection between Carlene Carter and Lurleen Lumpkin? If not, there should be.)

Cutie - What's the deal with John Buffalo Mailer? Gay, or just "gay adjacent"?

Legislative Necessities - Congressman Brad Sherman of The Valley is thinking about buying a TiVo. And this is news because he's desperately concerned that someone might find out that he watched Buffy if there isn't a law against DVR-service providers selling private information.

Haze Valley - Frat boys and water can be a dangerous combination.

Welcome Back - Hope that Beaverhausen readers had a pleasant holiday. I bought into the Day-After hype and arrived at Best Buy at 5:45am in the hopes of buying a fully loaded laptop for 500 bucks. Alas, when I arrived, I was probably the 300th person in line--many had been camped out since the night before. But my fellow shoppers were well behaved, especially since Best Buy staff was handing out Starbucks and Krispy Kreme. Otherwise there could have been a mob scene like the one in Florida!

More Bad News for the Theocons - In today's NYTimes, William Safire comes out in favor of civil unions and legislative (not judicial) progression to gay marriage. The author of On Language also introduces us to a space saving neo-acronym: s-s-m. Safire admits to being a "libcon" -- a libertarian conservative. If only more cons were also libs. Although he doesn't say it explicitly, I suppose this puts him four square against the FMA.

In case you haven't noticed it, there's been a raft of conservatives speaking out against the stupid thing -- from David Brooks, mentioned here earlier, to George Will. Now if Rush would just tell us he's opposed, we can all help the bigot brigade pack up and just go home.

Update: Jonah Goldberg joins the "No on FMA" chorus.