Gay Marriage: The Massive Post - Today, Monday, May 17, 2004 marks the day that gay marriage becomes legal in Massachusetts.

Gay marriage foes are rallying to make Massachusetts the battlefield in their quest for a Federal Marriage Amendment--to shut down the gay marriage debate once and for all. And they have to take this stance because the Amendment is likely to not get very far in Congress this year. Working another angle, Republican representatives have also argued that gay marriage could cost the nation billions of dollars. (Including an estimate by the CBO that providing health care and retirement benefits to the partners of current and former federal workers would cost an estimated $1.4 billion between 2004 and 2013...but, really, we know that's because there are so many gay Congressional staffers!) By some accounts, backers of the ban on gay marriage have found a tepid response in pews from "ordinary Christians." As a result, protests have been organized by "several high-profile conservatives [who] say they are now pinning their hopes mainly on reaction to events there, betting that scenes of gay weddings in Provincetown may set off a public outcry." Furthermore, a targeted videotaped appeal against gay marriage was played to Massachusetts congregations across the state today. But in other churches, the sermons included messages of acceptance for the new marriages.

In some parts of middle America, not everyone is too preoccupied to worry about gay marriage: "'Massachusetts is very much on the minds of ordinary Missourians,' said Vicky Hartlzer, spokeswoman for the Coalition to Protect Marriage in Missouri. 'It's going to shake this state and other parts of the US out of lethargy and denial. We don't want this travesty rippling across our great country." But some on the right admit that the reaction from rank-and-file conservatives has been surprisingly quiet:

"Our side is basically asleep right now," Matt Daniels, founder of the Alliance for Marriage, which helped draft the proposed amendment, said in an interview last week.

The Rev. Louis P. Sheldon, chairman of the Traditional Values Coalition, said: "I don't see any traction. The calls aren't coming in and I am not sure why."

Gay rights groups argue that social conservatives in Washington overestimated the level of anxiety about gay marriage among their supporters. "Other issues are far more important to most Americans, including evangelicals — issues like the economy, jobs, health care, the war in Iraq."

The amendment's backers contend that the reason people are not responding more vocally is that many grass-roots conservatives do not yet understand how same-sex marriages affect them personally. Although gay groups argue that same-sex marriages involve only the couple marrying, many Christian conservative leaders argue that recognizing such marriages will undermine cultural support for traditional families.

I could contradict that argument but Jonathan Rauch has done a far more effective and thorough job in his book Gay Marriage: Why It Is Good for Gays, Good for Straights, and Good for America. Point by point, he makes the case that allowing gay marriage will actually strengthen the instituition of marriage.

But more realistically, the gay weddings in the Bay State are going to be met with a collective yawn, as most people realize that someone else's gay marriage has no effect on their a daily lives. Certainly many stories about "Opening Day" in Boston, from the NYT's mention of a "tepid response" to the SF Chron's headline declaring many unfazed by same-sex marriages are trying to paint responses as blasé.

But we know that this fight for equal rights is nowhere near over. For gay couples, the effort to overcome the obstacle of family disapproval probably seems like a more pressing concern. At the same time, I'd argue this effort of gay people working to help family members to understand their gay marriages is an especially effective grassroots way of helping average Americans to see the issue: "'Sure, in an ideal world, we'd like our whole family to be there and a full ceremony in a Catholic church and all that,' Cutaia said. 'But at the end of the day, it's not about those other things -- it's about us.'" That sentiment should hold true for all parents and relatives of gay people, that gay marriage isn't this amorphous, scary, dark cloud; instead gay marriage is the union of a specific couple in love.