Of Men and Myths - I am acutely aware of the first time I heard of Mark Bingham. Good Morning America interviewed his mother, Alice Hoglan, on the morning of September 12th. She was relating the phone call he made to her from United Flight 93, just before he and his fellow passengers staged an ill-fated revolt that brought the plane down in western Pennsylvania rather than letting it crash into its intended target on Pennsylvania Avenue. As Alice was being interviewed, pictures of Mark from his college graduation and rugby days appeared on the screen. I'm not sure why, but at that moment, I found myself wondering if he might have been gay. Perhaps it was the plane's destination -- San Francisco. Perhaps something about the way his mother talked about him. Perhaps it was the lack of any obvious references to wife or kids.

My partner Jamie had joined the Washington Renegades only a few weeks before and had played in his first match ever on September 8th, so rugby was very much on my mind. As it turned out, Mark had visited Washington, D.C. in May 2001 to attend the first international gay rugby tournament to be played in the United States, hosted by the Renegades. Jamie and I had gone to a couple of parties for that event, but we only knew a handful of people at the time and were not introduced to Mark. After 9/11, word spread quickly among the close-knit brotherhood of gay rugby that one of its own had perished in the day's calamitous events. We realized that for many of the Renegades, Mark was the closest friend to have lost his life on that fateful day. Later in September, on a previously planned trip to San Francisco, we met a number of his teammates from the Fog and came to know what a special place he held in their hearts.

Right from the start, Mark was presented as not just an American hero, but also a gay hero. Literally a poster boy for the post-gay generation, a real man who could run with the bulls in Pamplona and work on John McCain's presidential campaign but still prefer the intimate company of men. When Falwell and Robertson blamed gays for 9/11, Mark Bingham was the rhetorical response. His name became a politcal rallying cry for gay equality in the new era of "United We Stand." HBO Sports did a special on his team and his legacy.

Yet Bingham was not an activist. The closest thing we have to a manifesto from him is an email message posted to the Fog's listserve only a couple of weeks before he died. Bingham wrote:

When I started playing rugby at the age of 16, I always thought that my interest in other guys would be an anathema -- completely repulsive to the guys on my team -- and to the people I was knocking the shit out of on the other team. I loved the game, but KNEW I would need to keep my sexuality a secret forever. I feared total rejection.

As we worked and sweated and ran and talked together this year, I finally felt accepted as a gay man and a rugby player. My two irreconcilable worlds came together.

Now we've been accepted into the union and the road is going to get harder. We need to work harder. We need to get better. We have the chance to be role models for other gay folks who wanted to play sports, but never felt good enough or strong enough. More importantly, we have the chance to show the other teams in the league that we are as good as they are. Good rugby players. Good partiers. Good sports. Good men.

Gay men weren't always wallflowers waiting on the sideline. We have the opportunity to let these other athletes know that gay men were around all along - on their little league teams, in their classes, being their friends. This is a great opportunity to change a lot of people's minds, and to reach a group that might never have had to know or hear about gay people. Let's go make some new friends...and win a few games. Congratulations, my brothers in rugby.

Now, it is time again for the world's "rugby clubs that are predominantly gay" to come together to celebrate a sport and a lifestyle that breaks the stereotypes. The tournament will be held in San Francisco this year, and its trophy will memorialize Mark Kendall Bingham. Seems like a fitting tribute to a man whose actions always spoke louder than his words, and whose guiding philosophy of life was best spelled out in a ruck on a muddy pitch. It will be a privilege to be in the stands watching Jamie and the others play. And to Mark I say, cheers, mate!